WabCoWWE Raw Report! 7-21-2008
WWE Intro! Hulkamania is still running wild evidently. Recap of the GAB. Punk got punked…twice. Batista is in the production truck to start the show. Raw intro and you betta watch your f*in neck. Pyro and Ballyhoo and we’re live and sold out from Mohegan Sun Resort & Casino. King and Cole are the announcers…they welcome us and tell us Cena and JBL will meet again tonight to settle everything in a six man tag. Hey that match looks familiar! Also what the fuck could they have left to settle after 197632 matches and 15322 hardcore matches? But a six man tag is going to end this feud once and for all!!! Yea…right… Batista walks alone down the pit of danger that is the entrance ramp and it is promo time. He planned on coming out with the strap tonight but Kane is basically a dick. Since we got no McMahons, Big Dave appoints himself in charge. He says the one match he is making is CM Punk defending the WHC against me…well not me but him. CM Punk v. Batista. JBL’s on the tron now and tells Batista to suck a moose knuckle…or something to that extent. And that he has no right to demand a title rematch. JBL says Batista isn’t special but he is, so the next world title match is his. Batista decides that since there is a difference of opinion JBL should come to the ring and discuss it. JBL pusses out and tells everyone he is important or something…he’s not…he also thinks he’s in charge…he’s not. JBL tells Batista that if he wants a match so bad to go find Kane. And here comes Punk! Punk on the stick now and he gets a little kiddy pop. Punk says that JBL is right and the law of the jungle rules around here…you have the Animal and since Punk has the strap…he is king of the jungle. Punk tells JBL to eat shit and shut up and tells Batista he can have his shot tonight!! Oh JBL’s pissed and Batista tells the truck to mute him and they do. CM Punk V. Batista for the WHC tonight!
Jenny McCarthy plugs SNME on Aug. 2 @ 9 PM. HBK! Or maybe not... Lance Cade out now and has the stick. HBK used to be his mentor and last night took the beating of his life. Cade wants Shawn to come to the ring. And says that if HBK does come down that they will have words they should have had a long time ago. Paul London out now for the match. Is it October? I smell squash!
Lance Cade v. Paul LondonSo Cade is big and strong, London is small and fast. Cade heels it up and controls the early part of the match. London fights back and gets a 2 with a springboard flying cross body. Cade regains control by throwing London into the ring post. Rock Bottom Bomb for the 1-2-3.
Winner via pinfall: Lance CadeCade back on the stick now. He says if that wasn’t enough to get HBK out then maybe this will be. The man who ended HBK’s career Chris Jericho! Commercial break as Y2J gets in the ring.
We’re back and Y2J gets the mic from Cade. Jericho tells us that no matter how much any of us want HBK…he is not coming.. Y2J is gonna show us footage from last night to show why HBK may never enter the ring again. The footage is graphic and shit so consider yourself warned. So we gey highlights of the match from last night at the GAB. This was a good match last night …and a FUCKIN AMAZING VIDEO PACKAGE tonight. Real real good shit here. Jericho talking again, and HBK getting his ass kicked is our fault. There is no blood on Jericho’s hands….I sure hope not that would be kinda gross and dangerous. We get some religious rhetoric now and Y2J says fuck all of us and he is not being the savior anymore. I’m glad the Big JC didn’t give up as easy. I’m not even going there. That is a whole other article. Good shit here from Jericho now. We suck because we want him to be the WCW Heel Jericho (no shit!!). But he is more mature now and considers himself saved because he ended the career of HBK who was evidently an asshole. Even though he is waaay over as a babyface. Another commercial! 30 minutes in we have one match and it was a squash. O Well that was another great promo from Jericho.
WWE Rewind to Santino getting bitched out by BP. Back live and they plug the Casino. Kelly Kelly and her ass are out now. And her opponent is Beth Phoenix.
Kelly Kelly vs. Beth PhoenixKelly Kelly starts out fast and gains the upper hand. Damn that girl easily gets most improved worker. 6 months ago she was down right dangerous in the ring. Beth Phoenix gains control and acts like a bitch. Kelly Kelly fights back and fucks up an enziguiri. Spinning head scissors and drop kick by Kelly Kelly. She goes for some tumbling shit. BP catches her for her finisher. KK rolls through! BP reverses and goes straight to her finisher hooks the legs and we get a view of Kelly Kelly’s inner parts as the ref counts 1-2-3.
Winner via pinfall: Beth Phoenix. King and Cole plug the WHC rematch and the CTC vs. New Money Inc. 6 man tag…which is next!
We’re back and Hacksaw is on the stick. He tells us he is thinking about hanging up the boots. He looks back on his 30 year career…winning the first Royal Rumble, making tons of friends, and surviving kidney cancer. I did not know that. The King interrupts him and tells him to hold on just a tick. King tells him there is no age limit in the E. And as long as Hacksaw is passionate then he can do this as long as he wants. His mere presence causes people to chant USA...well only when prompted. Hacksaw says he isn’t retiring he guesses. He just needed to hear that. Rhodes and Dibiase are out now. Teddy boy on the mic. He thinks it’s funny that King is giving career advice and tells King and Hacksaw that they both need to hang it up. Rhodes now and says that he was 2 ½ when Hacksaw won the rumble and they weren’t even alive when king slapped Kaufman on letterman. King says well it went something like this…and bitch slaps Cody! Cody’s pissed, King and Hacksaw leave and here is JBL now. JBL is walking like he has a corn cob up his ass…maybe its soap. Commercial time!
We’re back and Cole says the stakes are higher this week!? Why? Whatever, Cryme Tyme is out now…and here is Cena…Good pop as usually. Cole tells us about Cena’s bandaged elbow and pieces of glass in his back. I call bullshit.
CTC vs. New Money Inc.Cena and JBL start it off…or not because JBL is a pussy. So Rhodes is in to start. They lock up and Rhodes gains control, but Cena fights back. Bulldog for 2. Cena tags in Shad and goes for a quick cover. Rhodes counters a corner splash attempt and tags in Dibiase. Shad kicks Dibiase’s ass for a minute and tags in JTG. Double team flying overhead splash, but Dibiase fights back and hangs JTG up on the ropes. JBL in now and starts kicking JTG ‘s ass. The ref warns him about the 5 count and Rhodes is back in. Resthold…JTG is getting bigger. That dude is pretty stacked. Rhodes tags in Dibiase, pin attempt gets one. A slam and top rope ab stomp from Dibiase get 2. JBL in again to work on JTG and Cena is pacing on the apron. Good action now by the ref. He is being aware and vocal. Rhodes back in and drops a boot from the top. Another resthold and JTG is getting the crowd back into it. JTG reversed for the roll-up. Rhodes kickes out, and JTG and gets his gut punted by Rhodes. Dibiase in again and JBL is really workin the ref now. Good Shit here people. MONEY MONEY YEAH YEAH chant from the crowd as JTG fights back. Dropkick from JTG…Rhodes in and prevents JTG from getting the tag with an elbow. Rhodes is working JTG in the corner now. JTG moves away from the splash…Rhodes gets to Dibiases, JTG gets CENA!!!! Shoulder blocks, Olympic slam. Cena goes ape shit on JBL who runs away through the crowd CENA hits the champs in the corner. DOUBLE FU!! HOLY SHIT!!!! Cena just FUed the Tag Champs at the same time. He pins Dibiase.
Winners via pinfall: CTC Cena goes and hugs his dad after the match. Jericho and Cade are walking backstage and are met by Kane at the back door. He stares them down and walks past them. Commercial time.
We’re back and we get a good video about SNME. WWE Superstars are teaming up with celebrities to fight autism. Everyone better watch that shit. Autism is some serious shit and its great that the E is doing good stuff. Anyways... Mickies out to the ring…Here comes Kofi Kingston. We are going to get some intergender tag action now. Here come the Burchills.
Mickie James and Kofi Kingston v. Paul and Katie Lea Burchill The ladies start us off. Mickie James gets a Thezs Press and gains the upper hand. MickieRana from the top rope. Mickie slaps Paul and he chases her. Kingston gives a cross body off the top rope to save Micke. The men are in now. Kofi is flyin around and goes for a pin…but lets it up and Katie Lea comes in the ring. Paul uses the distraction to chop block Kofe. Kofi flying around some more after a resthold. Kicks and strikes galore from Kofi. Mickie takes Katie Lea out and starts kicking her ass on the outside. Paul makes the save. Kofi comes down and Paul dodges a kick so that Kofi slams his ankle in to the ring post. Paul Burchill finishes him with a neckbreaker and pins him 1-2-3. ?! Burchill has an over finisher with the Curb Stomp, but instead he uses a fucking neckbreaker?!
Winner via pinfall: The Burchills Jamie Noble is talking to Layla now. Batista is looking for Kane, but Noble tells him to go do some dumbbell flies or something. Batista chokes him and tells him that he is looking for Kane. Commercial Break. NOTE: Fuck the “Truth” commercials. The creators can eat soup from Snitsky’s ass.
GAB video package brings us back. Good stuff here as usual. Grisham is with Punk. He asks Punk why he is giving Batista another chance instead of just being glad he escaped. He says he wants to be a champ that goes down swingin. JBL here now and says that he is going to be Champ after Summerslam no matter who he faces. He says that Punk will only ever be known as a transitional champ. Punk tells him that he doesn’t know that and the only thing in the History Books thus far is that his first successful title defense was against JBL himself. Another Commercial.
Another casino plug and video of the HBK v. Y2J match. Back live and Cole tells us that HBK’s career may be over. Out comes Santino Marrrella. He wants to clarify…he was referring to fighting a man. He doesn’t fight people with the Fallopian Tubes. HAHA so he challenges a man.
D’Lo Brown is back! No reaction from the crowd at all. WTF? He looks pretty good…and quite a bit different than I remember.
Santino Marella v. D’Lo BrownBeth Phoenix walks down to distract Santino. D’Lo works Santino in the corner. Santino dodges but D’Lo gets a suplex and drops the leg. Clothesline to a seated Santino. Up top now…Low Down! 1-2-3. Beautiful splash there by D’Lo.
Winner via Pinfall: D’Lo Brown Beth Phoenix is in the ring as D’Lo celebrates on the ramp. Strange sexual tension between Santino and Beth Phoenix now as the exchange rear waist locks and then KISS. Haha! Good shit here people! A bit of confusion among everyone involved here now as Cole plugs the main event, which is coming up after the commercial.
Back live and its main event time! Batista out first. I guess no McMahons on TV = no wellness program, because Big Dave looks super juiced tonight. Here comes Kane now. Kane chokeslams Batista and here is Punk. He clotheslines Kane over the top and refs are out to stop Kane. Kane chases the cameraman backstage. The Ref asks if Batista can compete and Punk asks him if he really wants the match or not. This pisses Batista off and he says he’s ready to go…after another commercial.
Batista v. CM Punk © Word Heavyweight Championship MatchLillian gives us the in-ring intros because this is important and shit. Bell rings and Punk grabs a rear waist lock into a side headlock. Batista sends him to the ropes and drops him with a standing shoulder block. Back and forth strikes now. Early cover attempt by Batista gets 2. Batista Works Punk in the corner and sends him off the ropes. CM Punk reverse with a swinging neck breaker to gain the advantage. Punk works Batista in the corner now. Dropkick to a seated Batista now only gets a 1. Punk is working the head and neck now. Batista fights back but Punk gets a shitty looking drop toe hold to stop that. Now into a half-ass Komura w/out the hooks . Batista powers out and throws Punk across the ring. Punk hits Batista with a leg drop as he is getting up and gets a two. Another couple legs to the head and then a really half assed cross face attempt. Batista gets out but Punk hits another shitty looking swinging neck breaker into a modified head scissors. BA-TIS-TA from the crowd for a second. Punk works Batista into the corner again and the camera catches him calling the spot CLEARLY. Batista reverses but Punk gets a drop toe hold into the corner. High knee in the corner, bulldog, 1-2 kick out. Punk setting up for the springboard splash. Batista Catches him! And spears him!!! Both men slow to get up. Batista is hulkin up now and laying it to Punk, but Punk reverses and misses a cross body. SPEAR!!! Batista getting ready for the Batista Bomb! FUCK! JBL is out…match is over! JBL lays it to Batista and here is Cena!. He goes to hit JBL but hits Batista accidently because JBL runs away. Set –up for the Batista Bomb, but Cena gets away. Refs out to separate the two men. Show over.
Winner: No Contest I guess.
Mark-Out Moment(s): Double FU, Santino & BethBullshit Moment: Punk was really sloppy tonight…and its not that I hate the guy. I really like him most of the time but tonight he was just off. Also, Burchill using the neckbreaker to finish Kingston was bullshit. Thoughts: Another good show with plenty of action and story development. Seeing D’Lo back was great. This was a good post-PPV RAW and I see it only getting better in the weeks to come.
