WWE RAW Report for 8.4.08 by WabcoWWE

WabcoWWE Raw Report 8-04-08

What’s up again K4Ders! I’m WabCo and I’m back fully recovered from my near fatal (not really) eye injury. Well here we go! WWE intro and Hulkamania no longer runs wild. Live from the University of Tennessee and Mike Adamle starts the show with a new hair cut and some sweet gay specs. YOU SUCK chant from the crowd. Adamle starts mumbling and says that Ronald Reagan wasn’t a good actor. WHAT chants now from the crowd. Adamle talks about his fuck-ups and is comparing himself to Ronald Reagan….well he is right…he isn’t a very good actor either. Damn Adamle is boring as shit. He puts himself over as a NFL player. HOLY SHIT Adamle is reading straight from a fucking script. It is in his hand. He’s not even pretending that he’s not. What a shitshow. Adamle says that we have 3 championship matches tonight. Simply Priceless v. Cena and Batista is announced. Cena gets a GONZO pop. JBL out now and congratulates Adamle. JBL agrees that first impressions can be deceiving. JBL puts over Fortune magazine. JBL puts over Adamle some more. He says that he did a great job by making Cena v. Batista for SummerSlam and should make another blockbuster and make JBL v. CM Punk for the WHC at SummerSlam. Jericho out now and tells Adamle not to make a decision just yet. Jericho thinks that since he took out HBK then he should get the title shot at SummerSlam. JBL reiterates his case to Adamle as does Jericho once again saying that he is in a league of his own. Damn Jericho and JBL just saved this segment. Adamle says he is going to do something that has never been done before. It will be Jericho & JBL v. CM Punk and whoever gets the pin will get the WHC title shot. If Punk wins then neither of them get a title shot. Hold on a second…when did TNA move to Monday? WELL IF PUNK WINS WITH A GTS THEN HE GETS 2 WEEKS VACATION AND IF JERICHO WINS WITH THE CODEBREAKER THEN JBL MUST RETIRE AND IF THERE’S ANY OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE THEN DIBIASE AND RHODES MUST DEFEND THE TITLES TWICE IN ONE NIGHT AND IF RHODES TAKES THE PIN THE IT WILL BE PUNK V. UNDERTAKER V. EDGE V. HOGAN IN A TLC HELL IN THE CELL CASKET MATCH WHERE FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AND IF CM PUNK WINS THEN THE TITLES ARE UNIFIED BUT IF UNDERTAKER WINS THEN HORSWOGGLE WILL BE AWARDED THE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE AND JR IS FIRED. That is the best Jim Cornette impression I can do while typing… well we are back from commercial and we are going to see an IC title match!

Kofi Kingston © v. Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea Intercontinental Championship Match

Here we go… Burchill controls Kofi’s arm early to gain control. Kofi tries to roll out of a wristlock and eventually gains control of Burchill’s arm momentarily. Burchill back in control…Kofi does like 3 leap-frogs and hits a back elbow. Kofi works Burchill in the corner with punches and kicks. Katie Lea distracts Kofi and Burchill gets a cheap shot to get the advantage. Kofi tries for a modified roll-up, but only gets 2. Burchill continues to work the arm as well as the neck now. Arm drag starts Kofi’s comeback. Fast paced action now as Kofi is flying around. Springboard cross body gets two. Kofi hits a double leg drop and Trouble in Paradise 1-2-3.

Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston

Burchill tries to cheap shot Kofi after the match, but Kofi punks him and chases Paul to the back. Mickie James out now and we have our second Championship match of the night….after a commercial. There was just a commercial for UFC 87.

Mickie James © v. Katie Lea Burchill Women’s Championship Match

We come back from commercial to see Mickie James controlling Katie Lea. Katie Lea rolls out after a stiff drop kick and Mickie James flies to the outside and hits a crotch to the boobs. Katie Lea kicks Mickie’s ass on the outside and gloats in the ring. Cocky cover for the 1-2- kick out. Katie Lea keeps control and puts Mickie James in a sweet looking surf-board. Mickie rolls through and gets 1-2-. Both ladies are up and Mickie James hits a MickieRana and goes into her finishing sequence. Neckbreaker and cover gets 1-2- kickout. Katie Lea Hits a jaw breaker and bridges a suplex for the 1-2-. Mickie fights back and hits a tilt-a-whirl ddt for 1-2-3.

Winner and STILL WWE Women’s Champion: Mickie James.

Beth Phoenix is in the ring now and throws Katie Lea out and starts kicking the shit out of Mickie James. Mickie fights back thought, but Beth Phoenix catches her and hits her face buster type thing. Santino Marella walks out onto the ramp and claps for Beth Phoenix. She grabs his ass and poses, so he pats her ass a little bit and gloats to the crowd. Holy shit Santino’s unibrow is fucking great! Backstage we see CTC talking and The King says that Cena v. Batista is the biggest match ever at SummerSlam!? What a stupid fucking statement. That is like saying that Santino is the best wrestler in the history of the business. He is the most entertaining man in the company right now and a damn fine worker, but he’s not the fucking greatest of all time. Time to pay the bills.

We are back and Adamle is on the phone with Stephanie. Santino and Beth Phoenix come in and both want title shots at SummerSlam. I think Adamle booked an intergender tag for both titles so I guess it is Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix v. Kofi Kingston & Mickie James in a winners take both titles match. I kind of missed this segment because I was taking a shit. We get a video pimping Cena and then Tard Grisham asks Batista what he thinks about tagging with Cena and Batista says he doesn’t really want to. The video was cool everything else was shit. Anyways now that I can actually see the TV there is a commercial! NOTE: go to the library and check out Batman: No Man’s Land. It is a book so it involves reading, but it is a good book and I forgot how good it was.

Shawn Michaels is coming later. Layla is convulsing in the ring…oh wait…maybe she is dancing. Yeah I think she’s dancing. Well we see a video from earlier today and Layla dumped Jamie Noble. William Regal is on his way to the ring now. He is decked out in a suit and has something to say. He wants to remind us who he is… he is William Regal and he is our king. Noble is out and starts brawling with Regal. Noble looks good here and the refs get them separated and we go to commercial. CM Punk is walking backstage, but I didn’t hear why. I guess his match is next.

JBL & Chris Jericho v. CM Punk ©If JBL or Jericho gets the pin then they are #1 contender if Punk wins neither is.

JBL is out first followed by Jericho then Punk. Jericho is not wearing pants tonight. He is wearing underwear or whatever. Adamle is out and says there is a ten minute time limit and if no one wins before that then it is a triple threat at SummerSlam. Jericho and JBL waster 20 seconds arguing who is going to start. Well I guess they don’t have to tag because they are both in the ring and proceed to beat the hell out of Punk. Punk launches Jericho to the outside and works on JBL. JBL catches punk in a cross body attempt and hits a fall away slam. JBL gains control and is working Punk in the corner now. Neckbreaker by JBL and now he knocks Jericho off the apron, but Jericho drags him out and throws him into the steps. Jericho gets some offense in on Punk and gets a 2 count with a pin attempt. Chinlock by Jericho and the crowd is really behind Punk right now. Second rope fist drop from Jericho gets 2. Jericho goes back up but Punk stops him and goes for a superplex, but Jericho knocks him away and hits a flying elbow from the top rope. Abdominal stretch by Jericho as we reach the 5 minute mark. Punk hip tosses Jericho as JBL gets back in the ring. Short arm clothesline and a cover get two. Jericho and JBL are fighting with each other with 4 minutes left. JBL goes to the outside to work Punk, but throws him back in. Jericho hits a lionsault for 1-2- no JBL pulls Jericho off. Punk hits a springboard cross body on JBL and nuts Jericho in the corner at the 3 minute mark. Punk and Jericho going at it now. High knee and bulldog to both JBL and Jericho. JBL and Jericho run into each other. Punk hits the GTS on JBL 1-2 no Jericho breaks it up. Scoop slam on Jericho. Punk catapults Jericho into JBL roll up by Punk 1-2- no. Jericho gains control and puts Punk in the Walls of Jericho with a minute left. Punk is in the middle of the ring. 30 seconds left now. JBL in and hits Jericho with a boot. 15 seconds left. 10-9-8-7-6 Jericho shoves JBL and he falls onto Punk. 1-2-3 JBL wins with 1 second left to become the #1 contender.

Winner via pinfall and now # 1 Contender for the WHC: JBL.

That was a great fucking match. I thought they gave away the ending with the 10 minute time limit stip, but it turns out they didn’t. That’s what a match should be like. HBK is getting his mic put on and will be interviewed next, live from his home in San Antonio,TX.

Back from commercial and they show the video from GAB where Jericho destroyed HBK’s eye. HBK gets a huge pop and says that he has been better. Severe damage has been done to his eye and the doctors are monitoring it regularly. He says that what he is going through is a culmination of a career full of injuries. He goes through all of his injuries and says that he has a shit ton of injuries. He tells us that on Aug 15 he has a reevaluation. He is going to come to SummerSlam and publicly announce what his future holds. He says for once he is going to listen to the doctors and if they tell him that he can’t work anymore, then he is prepared to walk away. He says that the only thing he loves more than working for the WWE is his family and he is thinking maybe he should call it quits to be able to love his wife and kids. So we get a nice cliffhanger here…will HBK retire? Commercial time.

Matt Striker is in the ring now. He thanks Adamle for giving him the chance to finally compete on RAW. PYRO and Kane is out now to go one-on-one with Striker.

Kane v. Matt Striker

Kane proceeds to thoroughly squash Striker. Chokeslam gets the win.

Winner via pinfall: Kane

Kane to the announce table and gets a mic. Back to the ring and he says that he’s been in a bad place lately but he is better now. And he’s not alive, he’s dead as he holds up the bag and looks at. Commercial again.

Back with the SmackDown Rebound and a proper pimping of SummerSlam, followed by a pimping of Batista. Tard now asks Cena how he feels and Cena cuts a good promo and says that he was surprised by the announcement of Adamle as GM, but anybody off the street could see that Cena v. Batista is the shit people want to see at SummerSlam. He says that finally he will get his shot at Batista. He says that either he and Batista are going to win the straps or tear each other apart. He hopes they win, but he will be ready for anything.

Back from commercial and Kelly Kelly congratulates Adamle for his performance tonight. He says that next week we are going to find out what’s in Kane’s bag, and if he doesn’t want to show, he will take it from him and find out himself. Main event time!

Simply Priceless ©v. John Cena & Batista World Tag Team Championship Match

Tag champs out first followed by Cena, who gets another MEGA pop. Batista out last and he has a stare down with Cena in the ring. Cena and Dibiase start us off. Collar and elbow tie up and Cena sends Dibiase into the ropes and gives him a hip toss. Off the ropes again and a big bulldog. Batista in now, as well as Rhodes. Another tie up and Batista just throws Cody like a kid. Rhodes works a side headlock and goes for a sunset flip. Batista powers out, works him in the corner and hits a power slam for 2. Batista sets up for a Batista bomb but Dibiase interferes. Batista goes for a spear in the corner but Rhodes moves and Batista is hung up in the wrong corner as we go to (hopefully) the last commercial. NOTE: Under no circumstances should cheese do the shit it does in the Taco Bell commercials. Back live and Rhodes is working Batista’s arm. Once again Dave powers out and hits a boot. Cena with the luke warm tag and destroys Rhodes with all his typical shit. 5 Knuckle Shuffle time. Rhodes up for the FU, Dibiase makes a blind tag and takes out Cena. Dibiase works Cena on the outside and throws him into the steps. Cena gets the ropes to break up the pin attempt. Double suplex by the champs, but Cena kicks out at 2. More good double teaming here and Dibiase hits a nice suplex and drops a fist as he taunts Batista. WOW this crowd is fuckin moist for Cena. Rhodes in now and hits a drop kick for another 2. Rhodes and Cena trading fists now and Dibiase tags back in. More double teaming for a 2 count. Rhodes in and he also gets a 2 count. Rhodes punching Cena now, but Cena mounts a comeback. Rhodes gets a sleeper on and Cena goes to a knee. Back up now and Cena reaches for Batista, Batista tells him to come closer. Batista doesn’t want the tag and Dibiase sneaks in and takes out Cena. Dibiase in legally now and goes for a sleeper of his own. Cena does a little powering out of his own and gets his own sleeper on Dibiase. Rhodes makes the save. Sidewalk slam by Cena. Batista offers his hand and Cena slaps him across the face. Batista is the legal man and he is pissed. Dave is destroying the champs. Spinebusta! Batista stares at Cena. HUGE SPEAR!!! Signaling for the Batista bomb, Rhodes in Cena makes the save BATISTA BOMB!!! 1-2-3.

Winners and NEW World Tag Team Champions: John Cena and Batista

Batista holds up both belts and shoves one into Cena’s chest. Stare down and Cena holds up his belt. Now Batista holds up his. Cena does the “champ” pose with his belt and Dave holds his high as well. Same thing again and Batista goes up top this time. Pretty equal pops for the first couple, but Cena’s got bigger at the end. The show ends with Cena’s music playing as we see a replay of the finish. And Cena gets on more pop for good measure.

Mark-Out Moment: The entire handicap match and the finish to the main.

Bullshit Moment: nothing much, Adamle bores the shit out of me and Batista promo after the John Cena video was pure shit.

Final Thoughts: Really good shit here people. Every match was decent (minus the squash), and there were good stories built and continued. The HBK stuff will get some more buys and I think the end of the handicap match surprised a lot of people. I thought the overstipulization (no that is not a real word) of that match was going to make is suck, but I was wrong. And if you are wondering…yes Hell did just freeze over. That is all. Tell your friends to read my shit and hit me up with comments at wabcowwe@gmail.com. Peace.