MRob's Anti-Blog #1: Introduction and Rock of Love
I hate blogging and I hate bloggers.
With that said, I am also a critic. I figure, considering I am a pseudo writer and I have a show to promote, I should probably write something for my show. I am not some fat kid in his parent's basement, eating cheese blocks, playing magic, masturbating to Bryan Danielson matches. I'm a 24 year old, fit, bored, employed writer working for a company that has nothing to do with literation or film. I am angry and discontented with everything in general.
Now, that we've been acquainted (hi!), we can move on. If you call me a "Blogger" I will cut you. Or I'll have my very black and very angry friend, The Cancer, cut you. That seemed racist. It's okay, I have black friends. See: Cancer, The.
Lately, I have fallen victim to the treachery of reality television.
Jesus, what a farce most of this is, but there is one show that makes me especially angry: The Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Okay, Poison? Amazing. "Talk dirty to me" is wonderful. "Every rose has its thorn" is money. But that's really it. The GRAVY TRAIN ends there.
So, I watch this show, and first I start off bitter because there is just a bevy of bomb ass girls [censored]ing drunk in love over Bret Michaels. Yeah, I am bitter, but that doesn't get in the way of my objectivity. These broads are [censored]ing emotional train wrecks and very, very stupid. Now, they are hot, and they don't need to be smart or in a secure emotional state to sleep with a washed up Glam Rocker, but I do feel as though VH1 is misleading these poor girls.
First misconception is that there is no way the Bret Michaels is not up to his ears in debt. First of all, their "hit" albums never sold as many albums as people seem to think. Not enough to still be living off of 20 years later. Goo Goo Dolls and TLC both filed for bankruptcy when they had both a hit album and number one record. Somehow, Poison is still rolling in fat cash. Despite having a shelf life of about 2-3 years before grunge came around. All I am saying is, there is no way the dude is rich. I'm sure he's doing okay with his reality show and shilling 'Every rose..." to anyone with half a brain that will pay for it but he is not rich. I remember watching the recap/reunion show and one of the girls from last season made a comment about Bret doing the show to try and get people to go watch [Poisons] shows again and the host getting super defensive about Poison still being the bee's knees. Whatever that means. In 2008, the only people that care about Poison are Poison and middle aged women who's husbands are just glad they have a reason to get out of the house even if they are 45 and like idiotic teenagers.
The other misconception is these girls believing that this guy is doing this for any other reason than the paycheck and to get laid. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Still, it bugs me.
The thing that irritates me the most is this girl on the show, of whom I love, named Kristy Jo. She's sarcastic and funny.... bit of an emotional wreck, but [censored]ing gorgeous. Anyway, I can't wrap my head around her possibly liking Bret. She doesn't seem as dumb as the rest of them, yet her decision making process seems to be that of an infant. I should note, all of the girls are catty as [censored]. Manipulative little melodramatic [censored]s, who to me are a massive turn off. They treat my love Kristy Jo like [censored]... and for some reason this all seems worth putting up with for Bret [censored]ing Michaels. I get that it's his show, but she is better than this. I KNOW HER. OK?!
Anyway, Bret bitches about this broad actually having the gull to have an ex boyfriend and to have a marriage annulled. Also, he gives out these V.I.P. passes, and 2 girls interrupt her little private date and he allows this bull[censored] to happen. He treats this girl like [censored] and she just takes it. Not only does she take it but this makes he "fall" for him even more.
Bret Michaels is the shallowest man alive by the way. I am too but he is idiotic enough to not make any effort to hide this fact. On cable television. The point is, if Bret and Kristy Jo end up together I may possibly kill someone. Or just cry alone in my room eating cheese puffs while listening to Dashboard. He sings what I feel.
That's all mother[censored]ers. I hate you all. Peace.
M. Rob
